A Letter To My Child...

My dear baby boy,

Words can’t express the emotion that I feel for you as I watch you sleep in my arms. This is the last day I have before returning back to work, and I want to spend every second of it with you. I knew that I would love you, but I didn’t know that it was possible to love you THIS MUCH.

I have had two glorious months with you outside of my body. I have cherished each moment, the

The first time holding Brody

The face of exhaustion

good as well as the frustrating and tired (and sometimes frustratingly tired) ones. I remember holding you for the first time. You were as soft as silk, crying, and oh so beautiful. Before that, I remember the excruciating pain I was in for what seemed like years (but really was only 11 hours) and how I thought I would always remember the torture of labor, and yet how quickly I forgot about it when they put you in my arms.

Once all the hustle and bustle calmed down and we were alone with you for the first time that night, I remember being suddenly overwhelmed at the complete realization of the gravity of my responsibility for you. I was beside

myself at the love that overflowed the depths of my soul in those quiet moments and had no idea how much my love would continue growing. For the first time, I cried…and I haven’t stopped.

I cry because you are so treasured, because you are so very precious to me. I have prayed for you my entire life, even when I didn’t think you would ever come. And now that you’re here, I pray for strength, for patience, for the ability to continue to do and be my very best for you for as long as I have you.

I thought two months would be enough. Eight weeks originally sounded like a long time to be stuck in a house during the winter. But it has flown by - each day seemed shorter than the day before, and I have begged God to slow down time so that I can hold you longer and love  you more.

Side by side, 1 month apart

I remember being scared. When I first found out about you, I cried – not because I was happy, but because I was terrified. I didn’t know how I would actually figure out this whole parenting gig and was scared I wasn’t enough. But what I realize now is that I don’t have to know it all, and who I am is all you need.

And this is why I have to go back. As much as I don’t want to leave you, I must. I have to. Because there are so many mommies and daddies who may miss out on having these precious moments and memories with their baby if I don’t. Every day there are people who make decisions because of fear, doubt, and anxiety. They are afraid that this is the wrong time to have a child, or their partner will leave them, or they just can’t be a parent. I wish I could give each of them the gift of what I feel when I hold you, or see you smile, or calm you when you cry. And by going to work every day, you let me do this.

I know that there will be a lot of things I will miss: the first time you roll over, the way you snuggle into my neck when it’s nap time, the first time you really begin to play, maybe even your first word or first step. But there will also be a lot of “lasts”: the last time you cuddle in my arms, the last time you reach for me when you are upset, the last time you wrap your entire hand around my finger. And I intend to make each moment in between count.

So until I am able to come home every night and hold you once again, I will bring with me the love and joy that I have when I see you. And it is this hope that I will give to those who come to our Centers, so that they may one day experience the gift that I get every time I am with you. I love you, my precious child, and am blessed to share this love with all those around me. 

Life is truly a gift from God

(For more information on what we do at Care Net Pregnancy Center of Southern Maryland, click here. To support the ministry of Care Net, click here.)

Don't Judge Me

Have you ever over reacted at something? Worse, have you overreacted and then, in some switch of fate, had to eat your words and leave with your tail between your legs?

True story; it’s confession time. I was out grocery shopping today, and stopped to talk to someone on my Bluetooth while sitting in my car in the parking lot. Minding my own business, I quickly realized that this van had just parked next to me. Like, literally NEXT TO ME. I could touch the van from my seat, that’s how close she was. I was on the phone but did not hesitate to make a face at the woman when she looked at me, but I was too distracted by my phone call to take any sort of real action.

When I was off the phone, however, I *slowly* opened my door and peered out. She was IN my spot. The problem was that I was also in the SAME spot <insert angry face>. I, ever so carefully, inched my way out of my car (which is no small task, considering how ginormous you are when you are 8.5 months pregnant) which took a couple minutes. Sliding down the side of my car to freedom, very upset at this woman’s lack of respect for other drivers, I stared incredulously at the back of her van as if doing so would forcibly remove that vehicle and dislodge it from its very undesirable location.

And then I saw it. Her bumper sticker. On her car was the bumper sticker to the Christian radio station that I listen to. I am not proud of my next thoughts...I stared in disbelief at this piece of sticky paper, as if it were mocking me.  She’s a Christian?? And she did this? Instantly my mind ran through a dozen different scenarios that involved her and what I thought this meant about who she was and even her relationship to God. Well, she must not be that good of a Christian for her to do this….who does she think she is, Jesus? …. Maybe that sticker belongs to someone else…

Our actual Care Net sticker - contact us for your free one!

I finally turned to leave this crime scene when it happened. I saw on the back of MY car was my Care Net bumper sticker. Instantly I was humbled. Most people who know Care Net , know that it is a faith-based, pro-life ministry that seeks to provide hope and support for those facing the crisis of unplanned pregnancy. In order to be a part of the ministry, you have to ascribe to the tenants of the Christian faith. By promoting Care Net, you would be right to assume that I not only support the ministry and therefore Christianity, and am myself a Christian.

Do you see the hypocrisy? How many people may have looked at me and felt the same way that I was feeling towards this stranger? I *may* have cut through a few parking lots on my way home from work a time or two (hey, I have a looong commute and there’s a ton of traffic! Gotta save time where I can!). I *may* go more than 5mph over the speed limit on occasion. And there is that slight possibility that I have thrown out gum or an apple core from my window once or twice (did I mention that I get hungry on this long commute?).

After reading this, how many of you judged me the same way I judged this woman? How much worse would you feel once you knew that I was the Executive Director of Care Net? Does this exacerbate your feelings about my behavior? Do you want to yell at me and lecture me about the environment? Do you want to read to me the state and county laws of proper driving mechanics? Do you think I should retake my driver’s test?

Friends, let me tell you something: You are no different than me. Just as I am no different from that woman. No matter what we do, someone will judge us from what they see, or how we made them feel. I am not getting ready to give you some sermon about “Judge not, lest ye be judged”  because, let’s face it, we are human and we are prone to judge. What I am saying is that how we live and treat others reflects who and what we value. 

For me, I value love, vulnerability, honesty, and integrity. I cherish life. That's how I live in my personal and professional life; that's what I expect in return. As Director of Care Net, that is what I want each client to see and feel every time they walk through our doors. I know I am far from perfect - we all are. But despite my imperfections, I still strive to do my best and be my best for all those around me. 

💓💓💓The two biggest loves of my life 💓💓💓

"So that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God." Colossians 1:10