The "IT" Factor

Have you gone through a time when you felt that you were alone? Perhaps you have been surrounded by people, but somehow still felt isolated?

Maybe there have been times when you press in to hear the voice of God and the quiet whisper of His Spirit, and instead all you hear are echos, so even God Himself feels silent? It is in these moments you may have found yourself wondering if God really sees you – does He see your pain, your situation, your struggles?

Clearly, He is the God of the universe, but it can be all too easy to minimize His role in our lives and that a God as big as He is would be “bothered” by our trivial concerns. Let me remind you of a couple things…

Yes, He is a big God.

Yes, He does see you.

And yes, He does care. About you. About all of “it,” whatever “it” may be – an ornery child at home, a spouse who doesn’t listen, bills that seem to be piling up, classes that are overwhelming, work pressures, home pressures, pressures of parenting; and yet somehow, you are supposed to make it all work and fit into a 24 hour period without losing your mind.

And you are not too much for Him. Your “it” is not too much for Him. And in fact, He delights in knowing you and all that it entails. 

About 10 years ago this month, I found myself in a place I never thought I would ever be. I found myself facing fears and darkness that I thought were long behind me. People who I thought loved me had left me. People who I had trusted had hurt me and destroyed my life. And then there were people who, while they didn’t leave me, they had hurt me so deeply that I, in turn, left them.

I was alone. I was scared. And I had no choice but to start over.

I had played by God’s rules and I had gotten burned, at least that’s what I told myself. And while I called out to Him – blaming Him, shouting at Him for allowing this to happen to me – I struggled to put what was left of my life back together. I struggled to find a “new normal” and to find a way to deal with the loneliness, emptiness, and pain that had wreaked such havoc around me.

I will spare you all the details of me “finding myself” and healing. But rest assured that God is faithful; He showed His faithfulness and grace every step of the way. And there is not one detail of my pain that has been overlooked or forgotten by my Creator. He has used every feeling, every loss, every aspect of that horribly dark time to mold me into who I am today. There are lives that I have had the opportunity to impact not because of what I learned about me, but because of what I discovered about my God.

To give you an idea of how my life looks today: I have an amazing, God-fearing husband; a toddler who I am honored to love; a job that feels like I am coming home every time I go to work; staff who are more like family than employees; a love and zest for life that I have never known. Sure there are struggles and insecurities still, but I know that I know that I know that God sees me. That He knows me. That He loves me. And that He will help me. He is enough.

So whatever your “it” is, it is not too big, or small, or scary, or threatening that God cannot help. It’s much like my toddler who insists on doing things his own way: even though it takes longer, and he inevitably gets hurt in the process, I wait for him to give up in desperation. When he does, he looks around the room to find me. And when he does, he sees that I have been there the entire time, waiting. Waiting for him to relinquish control. Waiting for him to call out to me. And he does. And when he does, he comes to me with his arms outstretched, crying and calling my name.

And without fail, I will scoop him up in my arms, comfort him, and tell him, “Everything’s ok. I am here. I never left you - I was here the whole time.”

Maybe it’s time for you to stop struggling. It’s time to relinquish control. It’s time to trust God with it all. And when you do, you will hear Him say, “Everything’s ok. I am here. You are not alone.”

My biggest and undeserved blessings

**Note: If you need a friend to talk to, or want to know more of my story, I would be happy to share my experiences! Please reach out and send me a message!

***Additional Note: Heartfelt gratitude to the one person who stood by me through it all... I love you mom! More than you will ever know, and more than mere words could express. Thank you for loving me through my ugly!