Myths about Pregnancy Care Centers

In my core, I have always been pro-life. I was raised pro-life. Truth be told, there was a time when I wasn’t living quite as I should and I wondered what I would do if I had gotten pregnant. I questioned whether I would be able to face my mother, and worse than that *gasp*, how would I face my church? That's another post for another time. But in my heart of hearts, I knew that I could never justify my behavior enough to warrant killing a baby simply because it was inconvenient.

Fast forward to many years later, I find myself at the helm of Care Net Pregnancy Center of Southern Maryland (Care Net PCSM). At the risk of exposing myself, I feel compelled to share with you how I feel. This world is a dark and broken place. And it seems that only the loud voices get heard. And right now, the voices being heard are those screaming for validation of their choices; for those things that are not godly to be considered so; for the world to stop acknowledging our brokenness but instead renaming it, as if it would change anything.

The fine print doesn't matter.
What matters is that disrupting the
nest warrants legal action.

Add to this the fact that I am a new mother. (No, I am not blaming hormones for this post.) But I am more acutely aware than ever before that life is valuable. All life is valuable. Regardless of how it was conceived, the very principle and morality of human existence is the fact that we are all valuable. Aside from the myriad of scripture that claims it to be so – far before science ever proved it – life is redeemable, life is a treasure, and life is precious. So much so that we are spending TRILLIONS of dollars sending missions trips to outer space to find any molecule in order to validate life. And we are arresting people for killing eggs of endangered species because of the value of life. So how we can spend BILLIONS of dollars for the right to terminate human life with a clear conscience?

But I digress. There will likely always be a debate about this topic. You will believe one way; I choose to believe another. But in the end, whether a pregnant woman chooses life or not, she will need support. And this is where my rocks get rattled. Regardless of the services offered at PCC’s (Pregnancy Care Centers) across the nation, there are those who refuse to support what we do. There are a lot of lies out there as to what we do, why we do it and how it is done; so I will quickly discuss the three biggest myths we face in in our PCC and the truths behind them.

Myth #1: Pregnancy Centers claim they are medical centers, but they are not.

Testimonial from an ultrasound client.

Truth: There are Pregnancy Centers and there are Pregnancy Medical Centers. In short, some only offer material and emotional support while others have licensed and certified medical professionals (volunteer and paid staff) who are able to conduct clinical services.  At Care Net PCSM, we are a medical clinic. As such, we are a facility that provides medical services, under the direction and supervision of a licensed physician. We offer medical services that are diagnostic in nature. (Diagnostic means that a medical test is administered, results are read, and a medical opinion is rendered.) We currently have three Registered Nurses as part of our medical team who are trained in providing all our clinical services. Our medical director is a licensed general practitioner, and she issues standard orders, signs policies and procedures, and oversees the rest of our medical staff. You can learn more about our clinic staff here.

As part of our clinic, we follow guidelines by the AIUM, American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), and American College of Radiology (ACR) and are able to offer limited obstetric ultrasounds and specialized examinations (STD/STI testing, pregnancy testing).

Myth #2: We are bible thumping do-gooders, forcing you into our religion.

Wow. Sounds like someone is watching too many dramas on TV.

Truth: Yes, we believe in God. We believe in His Son, Jesus. Because of that, and because of who we believe He is, we also believe that there is hope in the midst of a world that continually offers none. Because of who we believe He is, we also believe there is grace and forgiveness that He desires to give to all those who ask. And oftentimes, we know there is grace because we, too, have experienced it for ourselves first hand. (You might recall my introduction where I mentioned my own shortcomings.) Anyone who knows me has heard me say that we are all the same at the foot of the cross. I know from my personal experience that God can redeem and renew what the world would consider broken and useless. And because I have experienced this myself, I can demonstrate this to others. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Don’t get me wrong. Yes, these things are the backbone and foundation of why Care Net PCSM exists. But this only provides the lens through which we see each client and each other. Do we force our faith on others? No. Absolutely not. That would go against all that Jesus stands for. But do we greet each person with a smile, offer them a shoulder to cry on, a safety net where they can vent their fears and anxieties without judgement, blame, or ridicule? One thousand times yes. Do we offer to pray with them if the situation allows? Yes, of course we do. But we also ask their permission and

understand if they say no. Grace, hope, and love – how refreshing this is in a society that demonstrates everything but these things. And really, who wouldn’t want to come to a place like that when they feel lost or confused?

Myth #3: We are Pro-Life, and we will coerce you into carrying the baby to term against your will.

Truth: Yes, we are pro life. Yes, we want you to choose to carry your baby. Because we believe in the inherent value of life. Will we guilt you? Coerce you? Shame you if you choose not to? NO. That would defeat our purpose of providing hope and grace without judgement. Unfortunately, we do have pregnant women who call us, come to us for their ultrasound and still choose to abort. Yes, it breaks our heart. Yes, we always wish we could’ve done more. And yes, we reassess each time to try to determine what we could say or do in the future to ease their anxiety or stress they feel.

What we will do is empower the pregnant client to make the best choice she can. We educate her; we talk about ALL her options, including abortion. We do not hide this option from her. If she is going to abort, then she has a right to know exactly what she is doing to her body and her baby – something that most abortion clinics do not do. We give her room to talk about and think through her decision, however long it takes. (When was the last time you went to a doctor and were given as much time as you wanted to make a decision or discuss your concerns?) Because we are a non-profit ministry, we have no quota to meet, no financial pressure to ensure you make a decision in our favor. God has blessed us with enough financial support in our community to give the luxury of time to our clients – without opinion, coercion, or pressure. Our client advocates are trained to be empathic, compassionate, and sincere in their approach while still giving the client the information she needs to make an educated and informed decision.

To that end, we also offer support groups for those women who have decided to abort. Many women will at some point struggle with their decision to terminate a pregnancy. And if/when they do, we are prepared to help them find hope and healing. Click this link to watch a quick video about our Bible Study. Information on the bible study we offer can be found here: 

I know this is a much more serious post than I usually write. But as of late, God has been impressing my heart for our babies and the brutality of this world. My heart aches over the callousness of those who think it is ok. It is a socially charged topic that rarely is discussed calmly. Both sides of the issue tend to break down and resort to awful tactics to prove their point. I am proud of the work we do at Care Net PCSM, and I believe in what we do. I believe that there are more people who have been helped in our community and are happy they turned to us in their moment of need (regardless of what choice they made). And I will continue to use my own brokenness to fight for each life that I can, because I know that each life is worth fighting for.

*Disclaimer: The thoughts presented in this post are in regards to how Care Net Pregnancy Center of Southern Maryland operates. While we are affiliated with Care Net (national), which includes 1100 other centers nationwide, I can only speak specifically to how our Centers are run.

For more information on Care Net Pregnancy Center of Southern Maryland, click here.

To compare Care Net’s (National Affiliation) stats with Planned Parenthood, click here.

#weareCareNet

Banquet Week is the busiest and biggest week for Care Net all year. Because it is our biggest fundraiser, it requires all hands on deck, incredible flexibility, and lots of creativity. It never fails that with all this, comes high stress, and supernatural attacks on the families of those involved, including sickness, financial pressures, and lots of last minute changes. This year was no exception.

Banquet night is the third Thursday of every March, like clockwork. We were planning for over 600 guests this year, with guest speaker, Dr. William Lile. Sure, we were battling our typical colds and heavy stressloads, but things appeared to be otherwise seamless. This year, unlike previous years, the planning seemed to go smoothly – we had new staff that we didn’t have last year, volunteers who we didn’t have before, and so the workload seemed to be spread evenly. Cue: banquet week!

Monday before banquet: There is talk of a freak snow storm headed for the East Coast and slated to hit our area Wednesday with up to 1 foot of snow. What?? It’s nearly April! So the atmosphere intensified a bit as we planned to be closed Wednesday.

Actual photo from Dr. Lile
waiting out the snowstorm
in Philly

Tuesday before banquet: We are informed that our community has been the target of the next school shooting. Chaos and pain ripple throughout our area as schools close, police and rescue teams are dispatched, news reports are made, and families and neighborhoods rally together to support the victims and each other.

Compounding the stress levels, the last (hopefully) winter storm is upon us, and I have been notified that our guest speaker may not make it. He is currently in Philly, headed to Florida tomorrow to conduct surgery, and planned to fly back to MD Thursday morning. However, Philly is slated to get even more snow than we are and airports are likely going to be shut down forcing flights to be rearranged to accommodate the impending weather.

Wednesday before banquet: The storm is here. Everything is closed. We are hit with approximately 6 inches of snow and sleet and it is likely school will be closed tomorrow, too. Plans are rearranged to accommodate not having our local high school students available to serve our guests, as we figure out how operate with a 40 person shortage. One of our key decorators finds out that she will not make the banquet as she is being induced with her first pregnancy. Dr. Lile is snowed in at his hotel in Philly. Having packed for only one day, he is now going on three days with the same clothes (and for Florida weather!).

Photo of the banquet hall before and after guests arrived.

Day of Banquet: The storm is gone – and we are left with 6 inches of heavy snow. But the sun is out and the temperature is rising. By mid-morning, the roads are cleared and school was declared to only be on a 2 hour delay. This means that we will have our 40 student servers after all! Dr. Lile was able to rent a car and drive to our venue in time. Out of the 615 tickets we sold, we had about 514 people show up, which was a success considering that just one day prior, we weren’t sure anyone would be able to leave their homes because of the weather.

Patrick, of Sunshine Caterers, who
was unwavering in his commitment
to this event.

The evening was beautiful. The weather was warm, and as people gathered to show their support for defending life in our community, the atmosphere in the hall was electric. Through the course of the evening, we paid tribute and respect for all those touched by the tragedy of the shooting this week – our community lost 2 children as a result, with a third child hospitalized for injuries. We also sought God for direction and favor as we wait to hear the results of the SCOTUS hearing (ruling in June) that could change our right to free speech and our ability to operate our Pregnancy Centers as we see fit (more information here). And Dr. Lile reminded us just how critical the work is that we do to save lives at its earliest stages. Defending life at Care Net is about protecting all life – mothers, fathers, children, babies – at every stage, and giving each life a chance to reach its potential. (Check out what clients are saying about how Care Net has impacted them.)

Me, with Dr. William Lile, guest speaker

During the banquet, I challenged guests to take the next step in how they defend life, which looks different for each person. Perhaps it’s a one time gift that God is calling them to make. Maybe it’s deciding to become a monthly supporter so we can depend on their financial contribution each month. Maybe God is calling them to partner with us and volunteer their time. Or maybe God is calling them to do all three.

Something amazing happened as a result of this banquet. Despite the trauma of the week and the schedule mishaps and confusion, people stepped up and answered the call. We even had one family donate enough money to help us enlarge our Leonardtown Center, doubling the space and the amount of people we can serve! We had numerous one-time gifts from new supporters who caught the vision of what God is doing for this community through Care Net. And while we are still 80% to our goal amount that we wanted to raise, it’s incredible to see the support from the community that was raised in the midst of going through its own struggles and pain.

What I learned this week: It can be easy to assume you know the pain that another person feels because you are educated, or have seen others in their distress. But until you walk in their shoes, until you experience the same kinds of feelings, you will never truly know the extent of their desperation. And at our banquet, our guests – our community – rose to the occasion, giving out of their need in order to provide life and hope to those who need it.

This is my community. This is my home. This is my heart. I am proud to serve in a place that is full of grace and hope, offering this lasting hope to anyone and everyone. What a privilege it is to see God working in the lives of those around me and to know that I have made a difference!

If you feel God calling you and you want to be a part of the change happening in this area, call me! Or click here to donate and leave a message for me!

#wearecarenet  #wearesouthernmaryland  #wearegreatmills

Worth Fighting For

What if I told you that there was a new law that mandated those who had blonde hair had to vote Democrat, and those with black hair had to vote Republican? Or you had to attend a mosque at least once per month, regardless of your religious preference? Or even that you had to wear bright orange on Mondays even if you hated that color?

This is what we are facing today in our country – except it is so much worse. There is a decision that will be made next month in the Supreme Court that will affect more than what we wear, what our preferences are, or our political or religious affiliation. This decision is about one of our inalienable rights – free speech. Even more than that, it is our undeniable right to life that hangs in the balance.

The case of NIFLA vs. Becerra is a result of California’s FACT Act that forces Pregnancy Centers – who are pro life organizations – to refer for state funded services, including abortion.  The state has other means of advertising at its disposal, but is decidedly targeting Pregnancy Centers and coercing them to “promote a message that is antithetical to their beliefs.”[1]

(More information on NIFLA vs. Becerra available here.)

As Executive Director of our local Pregnancy Care Center (www.carenetsomd.org), I watch my staff and volunteers as they provide non-judgmental support to those women and families that are facing an unplanned pregnancy. Most of our clients come ready to choose life for their babies; some come in undecided, and some choose to terminate (disclaimer: we do not offer or refer for abortions in any of our centers). I have observed those in my Centers as they educate women on their choices. My client advocates and staff continue to demonstrate love and grace regardless of the mother’s choice, and whether or not it is in line with their own values.

As a result of the work we do at Care Net SOMD, I hear stories of women who come in lost, afraid, and scared of their future. I get many letters on my desk thanking my Center for the compassion and love that was given to them. Many women have gone through our abortion recovery group, humbled by their past but have come to embrace the freedom found in their future. I have seen women convinced that they were going to abort their baby, but then they see their baby in their ultrasound and have a complete change of heart. None of this would be possible - these lives likely would not have been saved – if we were forced to also refer them to an abortion clinic. These women may have changed their lives forever because of a choice made in a moment of desperation.

We need to care about this SCOTUS case. We MUST care about it. The decision made will alter our future and the future for our children. This case not only affects our freedom of speech, but also “the rights of conscience, and the issue of government coercion when it comes to dissenting voices on moral issues.”[2]

What can you do?

NIFLA is hosting a rally on the steps of the Supreme Court on 3/20/18. The case is being heard at 10am. This is history in the making, and if you can be a part of it, you should be there. Show your support for NIFLA and for life by participating in the rally.

Pray. Pray often. Pray fervently. Pray for the hearts of the Supreme Court justices. Pray for the Pregnancy Centers in California currently having to adhere to this egregious violation of our First Amendment right. Pray for the legal team presenting their argument on March 20, specifically Michael Farris. Pray for those fighting for life, continuing to battle in the front lines and against those that seek to take away our rights.

Even if you are not pro-life, this case should concern you. If the government can take away the rights of one, they are well on their way to take away the rights of all. Today, we fight for pregnancy centers. Tomorrow, we may be fighting for our churches, businesses, communities, and families.  Imagine what could be possible if we all join forces and stand up for what is right

Glessner, T. (2018, January). Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS). NIFLA Legal Tips .

Hausknecht, B. (2018). Social Issues. Retrieved February 6, 2018, from www.focusonthefamily.com: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/socialissues/religious-freedom/why-you-should-care-about-nifla-vs-becerra-at-the-us-supreme-court

---

[1] (Glessner, 2018)

[2] (Hausknecht, 2018)

A Letter To My Child...

My dear baby boy,

Words can’t express the emotion that I feel for you as I watch you sleep in my arms. This is the last day I have before returning back to work, and I want to spend every second of it with you. I knew that I would love you, but I didn’t know that it was possible to love you THIS MUCH.

I have had two glorious months with you outside of my body. I have cherished each moment, the

The first time holding Brody

The face of exhaustion

good as well as the frustrating and tired (and sometimes frustratingly tired) ones. I remember holding you for the first time. You were as soft as silk, crying, and oh so beautiful. Before that, I remember the excruciating pain I was in for what seemed like years (but really was only 11 hours) and how I thought I would always remember the torture of labor, and yet how quickly I forgot about it when they put you in my arms.

Once all the hustle and bustle calmed down and we were alone with you for the first time that night, I remember being suddenly overwhelmed at the complete realization of the gravity of my responsibility for you. I was beside

myself at the love that overflowed the depths of my soul in those quiet moments and had no idea how much my love would continue growing. For the first time, I cried…and I haven’t stopped.

I cry because you are so treasured, because you are so very precious to me. I have prayed for you my entire life, even when I didn’t think you would ever come. And now that you’re here, I pray for strength, for patience, for the ability to continue to do and be my very best for you for as long as I have you.

I thought two months would be enough. Eight weeks originally sounded like a long time to be stuck in a house during the winter. But it has flown by - each day seemed shorter than the day before, and I have begged God to slow down time so that I can hold you longer and love  you more.

Side by side, 1 month apart

I remember being scared. When I first found out about you, I cried – not because I was happy, but because I was terrified. I didn’t know how I would actually figure out this whole parenting gig and was scared I wasn’t enough. But what I realize now is that I don’t have to know it all, and who I am is all you need.

And this is why I have to go back. As much as I don’t want to leave you, I must. I have to. Because there are so many mommies and daddies who may miss out on having these precious moments and memories with their baby if I don’t. Every day there are people who make decisions because of fear, doubt, and anxiety. They are afraid that this is the wrong time to have a child, or their partner will leave them, or they just can’t be a parent. I wish I could give each of them the gift of what I feel when I hold you, or see you smile, or calm you when you cry. And by going to work every day, you let me do this.

I know that there will be a lot of things I will miss: the first time you roll over, the way you snuggle into my neck when it’s nap time, the first time you really begin to play, maybe even your first word or first step. But there will also be a lot of “lasts”: the last time you cuddle in my arms, the last time you reach for me when you are upset, the last time you wrap your entire hand around my finger. And I intend to make each moment in between count.

So until I am able to come home every night and hold you once again, I will bring with me the love and joy that I have when I see you. And it is this hope that I will give to those who come to our Centers, so that they may one day experience the gift that I get every time I am with you. I love you, my precious child, and am blessed to share this love with all those around me. 

Life is truly a gift from God

(For more information on what we do at Care Net Pregnancy Center of Southern Maryland, click here. To support the ministry of Care Net, click here.)

Don't Judge Me

Have you ever over reacted at something? Worse, have you overreacted and then, in some switch of fate, had to eat your words and leave with your tail between your legs?

True story; it’s confession time. I was out grocery shopping today, and stopped to talk to someone on my Bluetooth while sitting in my car in the parking lot. Minding my own business, I quickly realized that this van had just parked next to me. Like, literally NEXT TO ME. I could touch the van from my seat, that’s how close she was. I was on the phone but did not hesitate to make a face at the woman when she looked at me, but I was too distracted by my phone call to take any sort of real action.

When I was off the phone, however, I *slowly* opened my door and peered out. She was IN my spot. The problem was that I was also in the SAME spot <insert angry face>. I, ever so carefully, inched my way out of my car (which is no small task, considering how ginormous you are when you are 8.5 months pregnant) which took a couple minutes. Sliding down the side of my car to freedom, very upset at this woman’s lack of respect for other drivers, I stared incredulously at the back of her van as if doing so would forcibly remove that vehicle and dislodge it from its very undesirable location.

And then I saw it. Her bumper sticker. On her car was the bumper sticker to the Christian radio station that I listen to. I am not proud of my next thoughts...I stared in disbelief at this piece of sticky paper, as if it were mocking me.  She’s a Christian?? And she did this? Instantly my mind ran through a dozen different scenarios that involved her and what I thought this meant about who she was and even her relationship to God. Well, she must not be that good of a Christian for her to do this….who does she think she is, Jesus? …. Maybe that sticker belongs to someone else…

Our actual Care Net sticker - contact us for your free one!

I finally turned to leave this crime scene when it happened. I saw on the back of MY car was my Care Net bumper sticker. Instantly I was humbled. Most people who know Care Net , know that it is a faith-based, pro-life ministry that seeks to provide hope and support for those facing the crisis of unplanned pregnancy. In order to be a part of the ministry, you have to ascribe to the tenants of the Christian faith. By promoting Care Net, you would be right to assume that I not only support the ministry and therefore Christianity, and am myself a Christian.

Do you see the hypocrisy? How many people may have looked at me and felt the same way that I was feeling towards this stranger? I *may* have cut through a few parking lots on my way home from work a time or two (hey, I have a looong commute and there’s a ton of traffic! Gotta save time where I can!). I *may* go more than 5mph over the speed limit on occasion. And there is that slight possibility that I have thrown out gum or an apple core from my window once or twice (did I mention that I get hungry on this long commute?).

After reading this, how many of you judged me the same way I judged this woman? How much worse would you feel once you knew that I was the Executive Director of Care Net? Does this exacerbate your feelings about my behavior? Do you want to yell at me and lecture me about the environment? Do you want to read to me the state and county laws of proper driving mechanics? Do you think I should retake my driver’s test?

Friends, let me tell you something: You are no different than me. Just as I am no different from that woman. No matter what we do, someone will judge us from what they see, or how we made them feel. I am not getting ready to give you some sermon about “Judge not, lest ye be judged”  because, let’s face it, we are human and we are prone to judge. What I am saying is that how we live and treat others reflects who and what we value. 

For me, I value love, vulnerability, honesty, and integrity. I cherish life. That's how I live in my personal and professional life; that's what I expect in return. As Director of Care Net, that is what I want each client to see and feel every time they walk through our doors. I know I am far from perfect - we all are. But despite my imperfections, I still strive to do my best and be my best for all those around me. 

💓💓💓The two biggest loves of my life 💓💓💓

"So that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God." Colossians 1:10

Courage, dear heart...

I want to take you on a journey.  Close your eyes. Relax. Take a deep breath.

Imagine that you are at the beach. Wildwood, NJ to be exact. It is a warm, sunny day and your family is all around. Wildwood has a gorgeous boardwalk along their coastline with shops, fried food, and roller coasters. Yes, roller coasters.

Amidst these metal-laden-gravity-defying-merry-go-round-contraptions are the ultimate, death defying, free-falling-quick trips to insanity devices that hurl you just to the brink of no return and bring you back again. What is this? It’s called a Sky Coaster. Oh, you’re laughing? Ok, maybe I exaggerated. A swing; it’s a giant swing.

But in 2011, I thought I had literally defied death when I was able to walk off of it alive. 

I was in a phase of life where I wanted to try everything at least once. So of course, I wasn’t going to say no to this. Especially when I was with Mandi, a tried and true adrenaline junky. And, I reasoned, how bad could it be? It really is like a giant swing, except I get to lay down the entire time! So off I went.

Fear is beginning to set in...

They hook you up in this harness that gently lifts you up into the air. As it pulls you up, it lays you down, so you are completely horizontal. At this point, my stomach tightens, my heart starts to race, and I begin to question my entire existence because I know – I KNOW – I am about meet Jesus. And there is nothing more powerful in life than knowing it is about to end because of your own stupid fault.

Once we are in position (and by that, I mean that we are fully suspended over 100 feet in the air, with nothing but a little plastic mat and a cord between me and eternity) we stop. One of us had to be the one to pull the release cord once in position in order to “drop.” And you know, if I was in charge of it, we would still.be.there.

While I am freaking out, this is just
a walk in the park for Mandi! 

Mandi, being all too eager for this, did not even hesitate for me to gather my thoughts. I mean, at least she could’ve waited a minute so I could rehearse what I would say when I enter the Pearly Gates and Jesus asks me why I was so stupid, right? But no – they said ready, and boy, she was!

Fear. Absolute, undeniable, unmistakable fear. You can see it in my face. I can feel it even now. If you are quiet enough, you can still hear my screaming throughout the entire park as we were propelled side to side, where people stopped from all corners of the park to pity the poor girl who had to go through this beside me. (No joke, when I was able to peek through my eyelids, I saw people from the four corner of the park stopped and looking in my direction.)

Not sure if it's more miraculous that I am
alive or if Mandi is alive - i nearly snapped
her in two! #deathgrip

I felt this again recently when my hubby and I took our official tour of the hospital’s maternity ward. The first room we stopped in was where – in 2 months – I will be giving birth to my baby boy. Now, I know I am pregnant. And I know that there is only one way this baby is coming out….through me. But up until this moment, I didn’t really know. There we were, in a small crowd of people, listening to the RN talk about hospital procedures. All I saw was the bed, the machines, and the stirrups. The stirrups weren’t even at the foot of the bed where they should be…they were at the sides of the bed. Why? Probably because that’s where they *think* my feet will be when I am pushing this human being out of me. How do they expect me to do that?? Suddenly, I remembered this intense feeling. This feeling of not wanting to go forward and wishing you could turn back. Wondering if there were some small chance I could change my mind and find the one loophole that has escaped all womanhood since Eve got caught in the garden of Eden. I looked at my hubby with panic in my eyes, and all I could say was, “I’m not ready! I’m not ready!” (Meanwhile, he just laughed and told me I should’ve thought about that 8 months ago…) 

Ok, I don't remember it looking this pleasant...and well, happy...

Have you ever felt this way? Have you felt fear so strong that it almost paralyzed you? Maybe it did paralyze you? I know when I have felt this way, it usually meant God was getting ready to do something in my life. Something was about to change. But usually it was me that was about to change.

What were those moments for you? Maybe it was deciding to leave your home and move across country. Maybe it was taking a job that made less money or required sacrifice of some kind. Maybe it was leaving a toxic relationship. Or deciding to go to church for the first time. Or to go through with that pregnancy.

Whatever your moment is, know that we all have them. We have to have them. There’s an old saying that God loves us just the way we are, but too much to leave us that way (Leighton Ford). I can look back on all of my moments of darkness and fear and when I felt the most desperate and realize how much I have grown from those experiences. Many of those times, I chose to do the wrong thing – to stay in that bad relationship, to go against proper judgment. But God, in His goodness and grace, used those moments to refine me, to strengthen me, and to show me just how powerful He is and how much He loves me.

God, in His infinite wisdom, uses what would be meant to destroy us in order to rebuild us. He is the one who restores us; He picks us up at our lowest and breathes life back into our weary and frightened souls. I have been at this crossroads more times than I can count. And He has never failed me.

Fear can be paralyzing. But faith is what can propel us forward to be and accomplish all that God has for us. And not just faith in ourselves; have faith in who God is. We will fail. Left to my own devices, I may still have been in that spiritually oppressive, abusive marriage from years ago. But despite my failures, I knew that God wanted better for me. Not only has he provided a new love, and a new life (both figuratively and literally) for me, but He has allowed me to use my past pain to help women going forward. Only God can do that. 

So if you are feeling that gnawing, anxious feeling – be encouraged! God may be getting ready to do something marvelous in your life. You just have to step aside and let Him!

Get Out of My Way!

Wait - the Problem is Me??

Have you ever been tired? Like drag-down, beat up, struggle to get out of bed tired? Even when you knew you were where God has called you to be? One of the most important lessons I have been learning lately (and will continue to learn, I am sure) is that you can be mentally, physically, and emotionally drained and still be doing God’s work. It is in these sometimes dark and worrisome times where it is easy to question God – Where are you? Are you here? Can you see me? Did I really listen to you or was it my imagination when I decided to do (fill in the blank)?

As the head of our local Pregnancy Care Center (check us out!), my plate is never empty. I have been here for less than a year, and have had a 50% turnover of staff. Volunteer rate is low, and staff are having to fill in the openings. On top of that, we have had to rebuild our medical clinic from the ground up which meant finding a Nurse Manager, Medical Director, creating and updating our forms so we were up to compliance, and training, training, training. We have brought on new positions such as our Communications Director in order to bring awareness to both clients and supporters of all that we are doing in the community. And we still have managed to not only keep up with our annual fundraising efforts, but have increased the efforts so we can begin new programs (like this one).

All this while being pregnant with my first child, and an hour commute from home. Crazy, right?

My giant to-do list behind me

And I am sure there are more things I could add to this list, but I am already too exhausted to think of anything else.

I know that I know that I know that I am supposed to be here. Short of parting the Red Sea again, God made it abundantly clear that being Executive Director is where he wanted me. But recently, I found myself questioning God. Actually, I have found myself to be questioning Him more often than not. Questions like: is this really where I am supposed to be? If it is, why am I so worn-out? Where is your joy that I am supposed to have?

Friends, these are scary questions to be asking God. It is very easy for these seemingly innocent questions to turn into finger-pointing accusations, blaming God for when things don’t go well. When I started to realize this was the road I was heading down, and I began to feel more discouraged about my job more often than encouraged, I took notice.

I took stock of all that I was doing. Everything. I realized that I was saying yes to everything. “Oh, you want to do a fundraiser for us? Sure! That will only take X amount of time…since everyone else is so busy, I will be glad to schedule that.” “Oh, you’re too busy to do X? Ok, I will figure out a way to make sure this is done.”

Guess what I realized? I am tired and it is MY fault. My life feels chaotic because of ME. I wanted to blame God for giving me too much to do, when it was actually my responsibility because I didn’t know how to say no.

Saying Yes Means Saying No

Nehemiah 6:3 “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?”

I came across this verse about the time I was struggling the most. I had said yes to a bunch of different projects – all good things – and it had caught up with me. Worse, I was noticing my staff were starting to feel a little harried by the constant barrage of requests. When I heard  Andy Stanley's message on this, I had to pause and ask myself where my focus was.

It is possible to get lost while doing what God has called you to do. There is a saying: God is in the details. But so is Satan. He is our enemy and seeks to kill and destroy all the good that God has planned. Often he doesn’t do so blatantly, but little by little, over time -using distractions until we have slowly veered off course.

How do we know what it is we should be doing?

I could tell you a myriad of steps on how to hear the voice of God. And it would all be practical and good advice. Things like:prioritize, focus, seek wise counsel. But it all comes after you've done the first step - Pray.

Pray often. I know this may sound cliche, or trite - the "typical Christian answer." But it is the truth. It doesn’t have to be long, superfluous monologues. But the only way to know what He wants is to know HIM. Very much like children who know their parents’ expectations: As a parent, we don’t blindly set limits for our children without telling them what they are. No, it’s not fair to keep it a secret; we are very clear with them so that they know exactly where we stand. I remember my friends asking me to stay out late, to go hang out at such-and-such place, etc. But I knew my mom. And I knew what would happen if she found out I did those things. Sometimes, I knew what she would say because I had done those things and didn’t want to learn that lesson again. And it was enough to say no to my friends.

When we know God’s heart, it is easier to be persistent on those things. Sometimes my friends were very convincing. Of course I wanted to be where the action was, where they were going to be, and didn’t want to feel like I was going to miss out. But I also knew that my mom would not be pleased or that it would mean going against her standards. I knew this without having to ask her. It was this type of persistence that meant I could focus my priorities. And when you are focused, you aren’t easily sidetracked by those things that aren’t meant for you – even if they seem good at the time.

Nehemiah refused to become distracted. Even when everyone else urged him. He knew the voice of the Lord; he knew what he was supposed to do. More importantly, he spent twice as long in prayer prior to the project than he did to complete it. Twice.As.Long. When you spend that much time seeking God, it would be very difficult to not know what He wants.

Staff Retreat on the Patuxent River - it was a beautiful day to refocus
our priorities as a team

Often we allow ourselves to be rushed from one activity to the next, increasing our responsibilities along the way, which only serves to make us more busy, and give us less time to spend getting to know what God wants and what His plans are for us. It is a vicious cycle. And if Satan can keep us from prayer, he can keep us from being effective, even if everything we are doing seems to be well intentioned.

Friends, I know it’s difficult to find peace in the midst of chaos. I know it’s challenging to hear the soft whisper of the Lord’s voice in a world that is constantly seeking your approval and attention. But learn from me – it is far better to wait on Him, even if the project takes longer to finish, than to rush ahead, spin your wheels, and feel more exhausted in the long run. The Lord longs to give you a life of abundance, and I don’t want to squander a minute of it chasing after the wrong things – do you?

Jesus, I want your life of abundance. I want to know your voice and do all the things that you want me to – and that includes saying no sometimes. Help me to stand against the distractions. As I seek you, let your voice be so clear, that it is all I hear. I trust you and know that when I say no to the distractions, that I am saying yes to you.