I’m Pregnant?? Now what?

About Me.

I’m used to dealing with crises. As a social worker by trade, being able to handle crises becomes second nature. I have seen it all – drug abuse, overdose, incarceration, bankruptcy, child abuse, domestic violence. Coming from a childhood involving mental illness and domestic violence, I have also experienced many of these traumas myself.

So becoming Executive Director of a Pregnancy Center was a no-brainer for me as my next job (even though I fought it – but more about that in another post). I mean, Empathy is basically my middle name, right? I loved the idea of helping women in crisis – unplanned pregnancy, STD testing, relationship difficulties. I especially loved being able to point them to the cross and being “Jesus with skin on” for those who needed Him. And I thought I could understand them and relate to them. That is, until I found I was pregnant.

Finding Out.

I had been married to love of my life for less than a year. We were planning on having a family, and had begun planning on our family. But it did not lessen the shock and fear I experienced when I saw those two lines on that test.

Yes, there are TWO lines there!

The day I found out, it was only because I knew we were going to have sushi for dinner. I was only one day late, but also knew that work had been really stressful as we prepared for our annual banquet – the biggest fundraiser of the year. I fully expected it to be negative…. Until it wasn’t.

I looked at the test strip in shock. How could this be? Really? It’s such a faint line, so it doesn’t really count, right? What am I going to do? The doubt and fears assailed my mind and heart – even though we were actively planning this. But we didn’t expect this –THIS - so soon.

I walked up the steps to my office at work as staff were slowly trickling in for the morning. I had the test in one hand and my work bags in the other. My office manager met me on the stairs and in a sing-song voice, beckoned me a good morning. I blankly stared at her and she thought something was wrong with me. I couldn’t open my mouth because I knew I would burst into tears. She finally looked at my right hand and the realization hit her – “You’re pregnant!” she exclaimed with such joy that I truly thought she was the one who was losing it.

She hugged me and I lost control. Through my tears, I rambled off a myriad of questions and doubts and fears. Is this really a good thing? How are we going to afford this child? Am I ready? What do I really know about parenting? What about all the ways my life will change? How do I handle this? What do I do now?

The Realization

As I came to my senses, and calmed down, I was finally able to allow myself to feel the joy. I was slowly able to come to terms with having a baby – my baby – and allow myself to feel others’ joy for me. I began to push away the doubts (some of them) and realize that yes, it will be ok. I have a husband who loves me and who loves God. I have a stable house. Stable income. Supportive family and friends.

Taken the day I told my mother ..I had to have the test for proof!

And then it hit me. I have everything you are supposed to have when you are pregnant. Everything. And I was still.this.scared. What about our clients? At best, they might have a supportive boyfriend or husband. Or they might work. But they would be a single parent. Or have no support. Or not have a job. Or be facing eviction. Or living on welfare. Or have no transportation…

Why We Do What We Do

The reality of the work of your local pregnancy center is that we step in when no one else does. When your family turns their back on you. When your boyfriend walks out on you. When everyone from everywhere else seems to be pressuring you to do what they want and think they know what you want. When you have no idea what you want, and you know you just need help. Guidance. Support. For whatever decision you make.

We have had clients who come in because of a rape situation. Or they have come in ready for an abortion. Or unsure how to tell their families because of the rejection they will face. They have been told that their church won’t help them, and they can’t afford to carry the baby to term.

That is our calling. That is why we are here. To be a voice for the voiceless and a shoulder for the broken hearted. It is because of this calling that we have seen families choose life, over and over and over again. And in choosing life, they too are able to renounce the fear that they once felt, as they look with utter joy at the face of their child.

My baby looks like a rotisserie chicken!

I thought I knew our clients before. But I am so thankful that God opened up my eyes and allowed me to see just how much this community really needs us – how they need Him. Being pregnant has done more for me and my compassion for others than any experience before. It has helped me to see God’s children more clearly than I ever have. And in doing so, I can love them with the love that He has for them. Without judgement or condemnation.

And who doesn’t need that?

Me and my hubby, Brooks, taken a couple weeks before we found out we were pregnant