A Letter To My Child...

My dear baby boy,

Words can’t express the emotion that I feel for you as I watch you sleep in my arms. This is the last day I have before returning back to work, and I want to spend every second of it with you. I knew that I would love you, but I didn’t know that it was possible to love you THIS MUCH.

I have had two glorious months with you outside of my body. I have cherished each moment, the

The first time holding Brody

The face of exhaustion

good as well as the frustrating and tired (and sometimes frustratingly tired) ones. I remember holding you for the first time. You were as soft as silk, crying, and oh so beautiful. Before that, I remember the excruciating pain I was in for what seemed like years (but really was only 11 hours) and how I thought I would always remember the torture of labor, and yet how quickly I forgot about it when they put you in my arms.

Once all the hustle and bustle calmed down and we were alone with you for the first time that night, I remember being suddenly overwhelmed at the complete realization of the gravity of my responsibility for you. I was beside

myself at the love that overflowed the depths of my soul in those quiet moments and had no idea how much my love would continue growing. For the first time, I cried…and I haven’t stopped.

I cry because you are so treasured, because you are so very precious to me. I have prayed for you my entire life, even when I didn’t think you would ever come. And now that you’re here, I pray for strength, for patience, for the ability to continue to do and be my very best for you for as long as I have you.

I thought two months would be enough. Eight weeks originally sounded like a long time to be stuck in a house during the winter. But it has flown by - each day seemed shorter than the day before, and I have begged God to slow down time so that I can hold you longer and love  you more.

Side by side, 1 month apart

I remember being scared. When I first found out about you, I cried – not because I was happy, but because I was terrified. I didn’t know how I would actually figure out this whole parenting gig and was scared I wasn’t enough. But what I realize now is that I don’t have to know it all, and who I am is all you need.

And this is why I have to go back. As much as I don’t want to leave you, I must. I have to. Because there are so many mommies and daddies who may miss out on having these precious moments and memories with their baby if I don’t. Every day there are people who make decisions because of fear, doubt, and anxiety. They are afraid that this is the wrong time to have a child, or their partner will leave them, or they just can’t be a parent. I wish I could give each of them the gift of what I feel when I hold you, or see you smile, or calm you when you cry. And by going to work every day, you let me do this.

I know that there will be a lot of things I will miss: the first time you roll over, the way you snuggle into my neck when it’s nap time, the first time you really begin to play, maybe even your first word or first step. But there will also be a lot of “lasts”: the last time you cuddle in my arms, the last time you reach for me when you are upset, the last time you wrap your entire hand around my finger. And I intend to make each moment in between count.

So until I am able to come home every night and hold you once again, I will bring with me the love and joy that I have when I see you. And it is this hope that I will give to those who come to our Centers, so that they may one day experience the gift that I get every time I am with you. I love you, my precious child, and am blessed to share this love with all those around me. 

Life is truly a gift from God

(For more information on what we do at Care Net Pregnancy Center of Southern Maryland, click here. To support the ministry of Care Net, click here.)