Loved Like Lucy

Puppy Love

They love each other - most of the time!

If you know me, one of the things you understand is how much I love my dogs. I have two Shih-tzus, both are 9 years old and are from the same litter. If you know anything else about me, it’s that my favorite show of all time is I Love Lucy. So it stands to reason that when I got my pups, I named them after the most iconic TV figures – Lucy and Ricky.

I swore I would never have a small dog. I loved big dogs – the bigger the better. Besides, both my mom and my brother each had a Shih-tzu already, and I needed to be different. But as grace would have it, Lucy and Ricky were God’s blessings to me during a very dark time in my life. They loved me and depended on me, and that is what I needed to help ease my pain and keep me focused on something other than myself. The three of us have been through a lot together; I don’t think it would be possible to love them any more than I do.

Ricky is obnoxious. He has a big,bold personality, and will steal the spotlight at any given moment. He is territorial, and does not play well with other dogs. Lucy, on the other hand, is very much like a cat. She is stubborn and hard-headed. She will do things only on her terms. And if you’re a dog, don’t come near her – she’s too good for you. She will choose you when she’s ready.

Despite being obnoxious and frustrating, they are mine. And I love them dearly. The thought of losing them at any point can bring me to tears. And this gave me a rude awakening about a month ago. Out of the blue one morning, I noticed that Lucy had begun limping. She could put little to no pressure on her back left leg, and struggled moving around. I flashbacked to a year ago when the exact same thing happened to her back right leg. After an emergency vet appointment, I discovered she had torn her ACL and her patella. I remember the ordeal we went through to get her through surgery and recovery; the nightmare of trying to (and giving up) on crate-training her, her incessant barking coupled with the pain I knew she was in, and my helplessness in trying to comfort her. I also knew that this cost me close to $4000 and knew that we didn’t have this kind of money to have to do this again…especially so soon. Seeing her working hard to balance on three legs, I feared for the worst.

That tongue! You can tell how relaxed she is by how far it sticks out of her mouth :)

I tried to walk her that morning. I watched, powerless, as she hobbled slowly from one spot to another. She never indicated that she was in pain, but I knew she was. She loves to be outside, to chase the butterflies and squirrels and smelling everything. But this morning, she looked tired. Her breath was heavy, and instead of chasing the bugs, she staggered to me and sat down. Picking her up, I carried her back home, stifling cries as I feared the diagnosis that was coming.

The Lost Sheep

When I was in college, I heard of this story of the shepherd and the lost sheep. I don’t know the validity of it, but it makes a lot of sense. Clearly, the shepherd’s job is tend to his sheep. He keeps careful and vigilant watch over them, should any predators come or they wander off (as we know, sheep are stupid). It is the job of the shepherd to know each and every sheep, and they know their shepherd – which is no small task considering the size of the flock! Occasionally, a sheep will wander off, leaving the comfort and security of the herd, and find themselves headed towards danger – perhaps a cliff or towards a predator. When this happens, the shepherd leaves the rest of his flock, just to find the one. Upon rescue, the shepherd will break the leg of the sheep. This is not meant to be mean, but in fact, to show mercy. It is during this healing time that the shepherd carries the sheep on his shoulders. He loves and attends to that single sheep, nurturing and comforting it until it is whole. While vulnerable and healing, the sheep develops devotion to his master, learning who he is, the sound of his voice, his smell – all so that he doesn’t make the same mistake again. The shepherd allows the sheep to be broken, not to hurt it, but to save it.

That Stupid Sheep Is…Me?

Carrying Lucy back to the house that morning, I remembered this story. I began babying her, coddling her, nurturing her – doing anything I could to ease her pain. True, I didn’t cause her to tear her ACL (again), but I felt powerless to help her. Despite my efforts, she still wanted to run, to play with her brother, and do all the things that she shouldn’t.

As I reflect on this now, it makes me pause. I feel so overwhelmed in life sometimes. Being Executive Director of a ministry is no small feat. My first priority is to our clients – what they need, what they want, how to communicate to them in a way that allows us to build a relationship with them so that they truly know they are not alone. But I am also responsible for my staff – what they need, what would make their jobs easier, how they need support. More than that, I answer to a Board of Directors – we have to ensure we are within our budget constraints while still adhering to our mission and vision. There are specific policies and procedures to follow daily, some of which I am still learning. And all this does not include my various work on new projects, ongoing fundraisers (currently three are underway for this summer!), grant writing, building maintenance, donor support, etc.

Add to all this responsibility my roles as a wife, stepmother, daughter, friend…and PREGNANT! Whew!

How many times have I found myself lost in my own world? With so many tasks and to-do lists, it is too easy to get sidetracked and lose sight of the only One who has the ability to rescue me and the only One who has the strength to accomplish the impossible. My Shepherd. My Jesus. My Savior. In this fast-paced society, it is easy to get bogged down with obligations and responsibilities and it is even more difficult to relinquish all control and trust someone else to make sure these things get done, and done well. But that is what we are called to do. Relinquish control. Stop fighting. At least, stop fighting God.

If God is all-powerful, and all-knowing, He should then know the best way to ensure everyone’s needs – including mine - are met, right? How much better to give up trying to do things in my own power, and rely on His power and strength instead. It is a daily struggle, that is for sure, sometimes minute by minute as things come up and I think I know better. But in the end, this is God’s ministry. My life is His; all that I do is for Him and I want Him to get the glory, not myself.

So this is where I am. Learning not to give up, but to give in to what God wants – His way, His purpose, His methods, and finding the peace that waits for me there.

And Lucy? She is doing well – better than expected. She continues to be persistent, stubborn, relentless, and wants her own way constantly. But under the close watch of her master, she continues to find healing and be loved more than she deserves….just like me.

                                 “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Phil. 4:13

Me and my girl 💗